Disclaimer: If you have not been pregnant or are looking forward to getting pregnant, you might want to stop here and read no further…
…just to let you know.
So, here they are, the things that no one tells you before you get pregnant (or at least not to any extent). Not really any kind of conspiracy, more that it’s just not a typical dinner party topic…
- Morning sickness: The name is a total misnomer – it can strike at any time and frequently does; it can last throughout the whole day; and it can last longer than the first trimester.
- Sore breasts: Despite the appreciation that your partner might show for your busty new look (a leap from a 36B to a 40D and still growing, in my case), you just cannot bear for them to be touched. Even fabric touching them is too much in the first few months.
- Ten months: Because of the way pregnancy is calculated (ie from the first day of your last period), you are actually pregnant for ten months, not nine. This means if you realise very early on that you are pregnant, then the time seems to stre-e-e-e-tch out (especially in the first few months when you haven’t told people).
- Excessive saliva: You drool onto your pillow each night and often wake up in a puddle of wetness around your face, since you have to sleep with your mouth open because…
- Blocked nose: Your nose is blocked for most of the ten months, and when it is not blocked, it is running profusely.
- Big bottom: Yes, your bottom increases in size. Could this be to balance your growing belly? But if so, why does it happen before there is any sign that your stomach is getting larger?
- Bleeding gums: Brushing your teeth becomes a skill test – can you manage to brush for two minutes without any blood at all. No, is the answer, as I found out. And the dentist just shrugs his shoulders and tells you that it will disappear once the baby arrives.
- Heartburn: Once it arrives, it seems that heartburn just will not go away. In fact, the digestion seems to slow down so much (presumably as the baby grows and pushes your stomach up somewhere deep into your lungs) that heartburn can strike five to six hours after you finish eating.
- Discharge: A really nice one, this one. Some can get away with using only one or two pantyliners a day, while others have to use full-on sanitary pads.
- However… none of this matters the first time that you feel the little one kick inside your stomach. And no matter how hard they kick as the weeks go on, it still is just the most incredible feeling to be growing this little person inside you. What an amazing thing nature is.